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May 22, 2003       |       Today's Terrorist Threat Level: Orange? Again?       |       Happy Birthday, Naomi Campbell!

[ * Yankee Pot Roast has returned, albeit with a vicious hangover. Enjoy today's daily piece, and stay tuned... big, sweeping changes are in the works. Very, very soon... * ]

Jeepers!

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BY
Nick Jezarian



�But why are we hiding, Rosencrantz?�

�Why, we�re hiding because we don�t want to be seen.�

�But if everyone thinks we�re dead, then there�s no need to hide.�

�Who said we�re dead?�

�Everyone knows Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. It�s common knowledge.�

�We�re not dead.�

�I know that.�

�So then everyone doesn�t think we�re dead. You don�t.�

�This is ridiculous Rosencrantz, we�ve been stuck in this closet for over 300 years. I�m tired of smelling moth balls.�

�Then stop sticking your head between their legs.�

�Rosencrantz, if we weren�t hiding, I�d tell everyone I saw that you were a complete dickweed.�

�Shhhhhhhhhhh Guildenstern, I think I hear someone coming.�

�That�s just my tell-tale heart. Heh.�

A few minutes pass.

�Guildenstern, what if we are dead?�

�We�re not dead, we�re hiding.�

�That�s what we think. Most everyone else thinks we�re dead. What if we�re mistaking hiding for being dead?�

�Why would we do that?�

�To pass the time.�

�Point.�

�OW! You stabbed me with a pencil.�

�I aimed for your eye but its too dark in here to see straight.�

�Asshole.�

�Who are we waiting for anyway? That Godot? He�s more unreliable than Germany, or even worse than a 1981 Diesel VW Rabbit with electrical problems.�

�Not Godot you idiot, he�s Beckett. And we�re hiding, not waiting.�

�Rosencrantz, I�m never playing hide and go seek with your family again.�

�Would you like to play a game while we hide?�

�Always.�

�Initials, then.�

�Fatty Arbuckle.�

�Alexander the Great.�

�Point. Alexander the Great, articles don�t play.�

�Gary Gnu. Doubles, back to you.�

�It�s a two man game, it�s always back to me. George Stephanopoulos.�

�Oh I like him. Susan Sarandon.�

�Suzanne Somers.�

�Oh, she�s terrible.�

�Soupy Sales.�

�Shhhhhhhh.�

�Who is that? That doesn�t count. Point.�

�No, shhhh, I hear someone.�

�I hate waiting.�

�Hiding.�

�Hiding.�





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