June 9, 2003
Today's Terrorist Threat Level: Fired!
Happy Birthday, Nick Jezarian!
[ * The Scrolling Idiot * ]
Welcome to the new Y.P.R. Book Club! This week's inaugural selection: The Idiot by Fyodor "Don't call me 'Fyo'" Dostoevsky. Discussion group to follow. (There will be booze.)
[ * Here we go: New Soapbox, the first of the week's many upcoming new bits of newness. * ]
[ * And do not forget The Attack of the 50-Foot Blog Women:
Ari Goes Down; I Love Lisa; Lindsayism; Zulkey.com; Teresa DiFalco.
[ * Enjoy.* ]
Y O U ' R E F I R I N G M E ?
Did you find the bottle of Stoli in my bottom-right desk drawer? Behind the hanging file folders? Because I would have locked it, but I lost the key.
Do the words "gross incompetance" mean anything at all to you people?
Is it because I'm running a Web site from my work computer? I'd have done it from home, honest, but those kiddie-porn pictures take up huge bandwith and my shitty 56.6 modem is no match for your fancy T1.
Look, I know I have a lot of knick-knacks on my desk, but the shrunken pygmy heads bring me luck. They were blessed by a Masai warrior, you know.
Is this because you didn't get a Xeroxed copy of my ass, like everyone else in the office?
Okay, there's a nickel bag in it for you if you keep me on.
Just because I invited some cheap Russian hookers here after hours? God, didn't you guys ever see Night Shift? No? Not a Henry Winkler fan, huh?
Just for the record, everyone else thought it was hilarious that I used the three-hole punch that way.
I have the employee manual right here and I don't see anything about unleashing a vicious wolverine on the receptionist being wrong.
Is it because I'm not black?
It was just a mannequin. I'd never do that to a real person!
Okay, I don't care what the authorities say. Jodie Foster is stalking me.
'Office casual?' You don't get more casual than a stolen Holiday Inn bathrobe!
I swear "boyzone.com" is a musical boy-band fan site.