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Y.P.R.'s coverage of the Californian gubernatorial freak show: Californication pt. I, II, III, and IV.

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T H E   T R A V I S   D I A R I E S BY T.J. Coates June 2, 2003 I really wish I were a guy named �Travis.� The name just exudes coolness. Like that guy from "WKRP." You know, Travis. I think I�d do so well with the ladies if when I met them I could say with confidence, �Hi. My name is Travis.� Yeah, that would be good. Just say it ten times fast: Travis Travis Travis Travis TravisTravisTravis... You know what? I think �Travis� doesn�t sound so cool anymore. But what if I were named �Bart?� That would be fucking good. Yes, �Bart.� Bart Bart Bart Bartbartbartbartbartbart. Still good. June 27, 2003 O.K., I�m serious this time. Things would be so much better if I were named Travis. Travis is a great name and conjures images of flannel shirts. I�ve always looked great in plaid. My ex-girlfriend Travisena used to tell me all the time how sexy plaid looked on me. But then she slept with Travis Tritt. God, I hate that guy--first he took my camper and then my girlfriend. What else do you want from me, Tritt?!? Maybe I�ll just change my name to �Dale.� July 15, 2003 In retrospect, I�m glad I didn�t blow 400 bucks legally changing my name to Travis. That�d have been a huge blunder, because I just heard this rock band called Travis, and I think they stink. If I had the same name as that crap band, I�d probably shoot myself. Between that rat bastard Tritt and these assholes, I�m about to swear off all musicians named Travis. I do regret naming my dog Travis, but I�m afraid if I just give him a new name and call him �Spot� or �Rover� or what have you, I�ll simply confuse the poor dog. But the upside is maybe now that I�m over all this �Travis� nonsense, my daughter, Travis, jr., might actually talk to me again. August 10, 2003 Look, I�m man enough to admit when I�m wrong: upon repeated listenings, the band Travis is much better than I�d previously given them credit for. I can�t say I�m a fan of their music, but the band is not, as I formerly stated, a talentless crap-filled sack of hellish suckiness. So, for me, the Travis thing is back on. Not only am I dropping off my change-of-name application at the courts tomorrow, I�m also going to have the V-I-S added to the incomplete T-R-A tattoos that grace the knuckles of my left hand. Also, my new girlfriend, Travis, and I are going to travis our travis, that is, if we don�t travis travesly. We travis travesing, though! Ha, ha. Travis? More groovy daily pieces. RIGHT HERE, YO.