soph what?
LITERARY SOPHISTRY

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September 15, 2003       |       Today's Terrorist Threat Level: Bennifer.       |       Happy Birthday, Tommy Lee Jones!

Zbornak!
Say, that's a lovely Beatrice Arthur T-shaped Garment on your chest!

poop!

C H I M P S

BY
BOBBY RUFFERTO





Loraine?

Yes, Burt?

Are you sleeping?

No.

*Sigh.*

Is something wrong, honey?

No. Yes... Loraine, how come you dont pick nits off my back anymore?

Burt--

Are you having an affair?

. . .

You are. I knew it. You are. I bet its Stan. Its Stan, isnt it? Youre running around with Stan, that no good spider monkey! I knew it. I saw the way you two were throwing feces together at the lake yesterday--

Burt... Im not cheating on you, honey. I swear. I promise, I love you. Its... its just...

What? What is it?

Im just feeling like Im feeling old. Since the kids left the tree, Im feeling old and unwomanly and haggard. My fur is shedding. My joints ache...

Aw, Lorraine, baby, you know I dont care about all that. Lets swing over to the lake and throw some feces together like old times.

I love you, Burt.

I love you, Loraine.

Burt?

Yes, Loraine?

Lets play hide the banana.

I love it when you talk dirty.






*Resistance is futile. Thou shalt SUBMIT.*

*The ARCHIVES of wit are expanding daily. Check them out, won't you?*



Snarky!


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