Say, that's a lovely Beatrice Arthur T-shaped Garment on your chest!
Hey, hey, hey. There's three smart, sexy, sophisticated young ladies you all should get to know intimately: Amy Stender, Lisa Grover, and Karen Newman. They are Y.P.R.'s brand-spankin'-new columnists. Yes, that's right: columnists. Remember our COLUMN CONTEST from a few weeks back? Well, the lovely Miss Amy L. Stender, of Vermont, U.S.A., is our winner, and we're very proud to welcome her to the Y.P.R. extended family (or "mishpucha," for you Yiddishers out there). Karen's and Lisa's columns have been in the works, in some form or another, for quite some time now, pre-dating the contest, and simmering at a low boil until today's big première.
Amy's column, VERMONT GIRL, in which Amy will do things in the Green Mountain State and tell us all about these things that she does, débuts with an adventure involving cheeses, apples, and barbequed meats.
Inner Monologue from This Morning's Subway Commute first appeared as a Soapbox entry not so long ago, and after persistent hounding (stalking?) from Y.P.R., Ms. Grover agreed to continue thinking about things during her subterranean travels, and share those thoughts with us. Astute readers will recognize Lisa's name from her past contribution to Y.P.R. (and, perhaps as well, the piece her work inspired).
K.B.N. On, too, began with curious, un-colunmnistic origins: ranty e-mails to Y.P.R. from Karen Newman (not to be confused with karen newman), followed by similarly persistent hounding on Y.P.R.'s part. In her inagural posts, Ms. Newman waxes on/waxes off about bridesmaids and engagement rings.
Anyway, on with the show. Enjoy.
Jimmy liked to live dangerously. He liked his steak rare, his eggs runny, his milk expired. He chain-smoked unfiltered cigarettes. When sunbathing, he used lotion with very low SPF. When driving his Ford Pinto (six months overdue for inspection!) he did not wear his seatbelt. He played sports without a jockstrap. He slept with hookers without a condom. He often went outside in nippy weather while his head was still wet from the shower. Sometimes, he didn’t even take a coat.
© MMIII, Yankee Pot Roast Amalgamated