Write something longhand and submit it to: G R A P H O L O G Y

This weekend, Y.P.R. put together its skin project. We had a blast, and pictures should be up soon. Many, many thanks to Anna, our "victim," and to Shelley Jackson, who was a great sport about being satirized.

New Soapbox: CAUTIONARY TALES FOR TEENS by Jennifer Amey & Andrew Beer

G I N   R U M M Y BY TOM COLBOURN �I thought you said you gave up gin.� �I did.� �You gave up gin?� �Yeah. Yes. I did.� �You gave up gin.� �Yes, sir.� �You�re sipping from a twisty straw in a bottle of Tanqueray.� �Yeah, so?� �So...� �Shit. This is gin, isn�t it?� �You�re a disgrace.� �I�m sorry. I thought this was some kind of new, a non-gin beverage, like a juicy non-carbonated cola or something... One of those sport energy drinks, maybe? I didn�t know, honestly�� �For somebody who claims to have drunk three liters of gin a day every day for eight years, you really don�t know all that much about gin.� �I know. I know, I do not know anything about�� �I mean, when you walked in here, you were�� �I know, I know. I apologized�� �You were gargling from a bottle of Beefeater�s.� �I thought it was mouthwash.� �Which...� �I agree. I�m an idiot.� �Yes. And, might I add, not only are you a terrible supposedly recovering alcoholic, it looks like you weren�t even that good an alcoholic to begin with�� �Bombay Sapphire was my brand. I�m the kind of guy that�s very loyal to brands. For thirty years, I�ve only bought Charmin toilet paper, and I can�t even tell you any other brands of that either. And when I decided to start mass-consuming gin till I blacked out every night, I just kind of picked Bombay Sapphire on a whim. I mean, there�s so many to choose from...� �I understand. Stop licking the twisty straw.� �Sorry.� �No, no, that�s O.K. Look, I�m afraid I�m going to have to rescind my job offer. I just don�t think you�d make a good gin salesman. I�m sorry. Good day, sir.� *SUBMIT! SUBMIT!.* *ARCHIVES! ARCHIVES!* *BEA SHIRT! BEA SHIRT!*