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March 22, 2004       |       Today's Terror Mood Ring: Jay-Zeezer.       |       Happy Birthday, William Shatner!

What are you looking for, my child?
That TMF,TML pasquinade? Right here.
Celebrity Palindromes? Right here.


This coming Tuesday night at 8 o'clock,
if you are not watching "Gilmore Girls" on the WB! *,
you are encouraged to attend the inaugural installment of
The Ritalin Reading Series
(Short readings for people with short attention spans)
upstairs at
Piano's
presented by
Lindsayism.com & jenyk/dot/com
hosted by the very lovely
Miss Lindsay Robertson
and featuring very funny readings
by the very funny writers:
Ms. Jami Attenberg
Mr. Andrew Hearst
Ms. Maura Johnston
Mr. Will Leitch
Ms. Sarah Lewitinn
Ms. Whitney Pastorek
and your humble Y.P.R. editor,
Mr. Josh Abraham
.


Meanwhile, today Y.P.R. presents a very, very short story:

Crockpot.

SLIPPERY PETE'S PORT O' CALL

BY
Y.P.R.



SLIPPERY PETE'S PORT O' CALL:
The Leader in DOCKYARD & PORTAGE entertainment since 1974!



We've got over 500 piping-hot videos of DOCKERS, DOCKSMEN, DOCKHANDS, DOCK-WALLOPERS, and DOCKMASTERS! We've got big, burly JACKS loading and unloading WET VESSELS in coastal PORTS OF ENTRY up and down the shoreline!

See husky, hefty LONGSHOREMEN and STEVEDORES lugging cargo onto dry land! See beefy, brawny LOADERS and LUMPERS hoisting freight ashore and aground! Watch hale and hearty ROUSTABOUTS giving the ol' HEAVE-HO!

Port o' Call Home Video has hundreds of hours of BITTS and BOLLARDS! Watch waterlogged SEA DOGS and washed-up LANDLUBBERS exchange merchandise on WHARVES, PIERS, and QUAYS of all kinds!

PAYLOAD? We got your PAYLOAD right here! We've got BEACONS and BULWARKS, and miles and miles of hot PONTOONS! There's more MOORING action here than any other manual-labor entertainment operation in the world! We've got WHARFAGE and WHARFINGERS aplenty!

Port o' Call: the most Dockyard-Cargo Loading & Unloading bang for your buck!

But that's not all! Order any Dockyard video now and you'll get "ABLE-BODIED SEAMEN" for free! Featuring the greatest SEAFARING JACK-TARS on solid ground! Sweaty OLD SALTS spewing MOUTHFULS of naughty NAUTICAL JARGON!

That's right, over 3 hours of the best HELMSMEN, BARGEMEN, LIGHTERMEN, & STEERMEN this side of Davy Jones's locker! See STEERERS and BARGEES working mano-a-mano with BOATSWAINS and GOBS! It's all hands on deck with seafaring SWABBIES swapping whale's tales and singing sea chanteys! Plus, rare footage of DECKHANDS pumping bilgewater! Boats PITCHING and TOSSING at bay!

Act now or you'll miss this exciting maritime offer of SEAFARING CREWMEN along with any Docking or Cargo video!

Slippery Pete's Port o' Call: The best Dockyard & Portage home entertainment money can buy!








ONWARD, TOWARD SOME SLIGHTLY LONGER STORIES...



Write to Y.P.R. Write for Y.P.R. Right on, Y.P.R.

Crockpot.


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* Which you are clearly not, according to TV Guide's Matt Roush:
"The Best Show You're Not Watching."
(Cover story, June 22, 2002)