shannon doherty has one eye off-level. ooh! creepy!
LITERARY FRIGHT

SCARY PIECES   |    LETTERS

SOAPBOX   |    GOLEMS   |   FREAKTURES

BIRTHDAY CARDS TO CADAVERS

FOR FRIGHTENING READING   |   SUBMIT


spooky dooky!

W H A T   A R E   W E   G I V I N G
T R I C K - O R - T R E A T E R S
A T   O U R   D O O R ?



Skittles that fell to earth in a torrential candystorm, just like in those commercials.

Raisins. They’re nature’s candy, kids! Eat ’em up!

A scorching case of V.D.

Some leftover gorp the possums didn’t get to.

Whatever lies within these cans with no labels

Candy corn! Everybody loves candy corn! Mmmm corn. Mmm mmm mmm mm so good. Corn. Ooooh yeah.

Non-poisonous, razor blade- and hypodermic needle-free homemade cupcakes that won't kill you, I promise

Lovely parting gifts, including a year's supply of Nissan Cup O' Noodles

Back issues of Playboy that I don't want the wife to find

Tommy Chong's "Bag O' Grass"

Um, I got no candy. Sorry, little man. How’d you like a Newport Light?

Copies of our new CD, "Clay Aiken's Greatest HIts"

Crushing blows to the self-esteem of little children in the form of insulting remarks about their costumes

Lascivious glares

T-shirts, "I'm one of Heavy D's Boyz"

Steamy boudoir self-portraits

My number, for you kids to take home and give to Mommy

Gift Certificates, $10 off any purchase at Dick's Video Porn Shaft

A sense of smug self-satisfaction regarding Ann Coulter’s image as Right Wing Hot Chick

The antidote.


MORE HELLISH HALLOWE'EN HORROR
Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

How Hallmark Invented Hallowe'en
It's the Great Pumpkin-Patch Farmer, Charlie Brown!
What Are We Giving Trick-or-Treaters at Our Door?
A Hallowe'en Message from Dr. Demento
A Trick-or-Treat Guide to the Houses on My Block




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