Yankee Pot Roast

LITERARY PIZZA

I Love 'I Love the 70s,' 'I Love the 80s,' 'I Love the 90s,' and 'I Love the 80s Strikes Back'.

Random Thoughts while Watching the
ďI Love theÖĒ Series on VH1

by
Geoff Wolinetz



Itís 34 years later. Are people really still mad at Yoko Ono for breaking up the Beatles? I think it might be time to let this go. They should be more upset at her for her art and the fact that she still canít speak English after living here for 40 years.

I have to say something about ALF: His nose looks a little too much like a penis for me to be comfortable looking at him for an extended period of time.

VH1 put out an official ďI Love the 90sĒ CD and there isnít one grunge song on it. How on Earth did this playlist get the green light? I donít think Iíve seen a robbery this bad since Jordan picked Maloneís pocket in Game 6 of the 1998 Finals. Seriously, load this album up with a little more Wilson Phillips. Thatíll move the product.

Remember when the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman got married and had the evil Bionic son that they had to defeat to save the world? Was the Bionic kid born bionic or did he become bionic after birth like his parents? I think if he was born bionic we should explore the technology side of this.

It turns out that itís not some big joke. ABBA really was popular in the 1970s.

Exactly what was the First Lady of the United States doing slumming it with Gary Coleman and Todd Bridges on a primetime sitcom? I think the great irony of this whole thing is that after that episode, both Todd Bridges and Dana Plato were arrested for drug-related crime. I think when Nancy Reagan looks back on her life she has to consider this among her greatest regrets.

What ever happened to Raj from ďWhatís Happening!Ē? He was probably the most underdeveloped main character on a sitcom in the entire decade. Think about it. It was his family in the show and the show was about three black kids. He was the main character on that show but Rerun, Shirley and even Dee overshadowed him. The whole show was really underrated. I think every suburban kid used to walk down the street with their friends bouncing a basketball like those guys did.

When are we going to get Courtney Love her own reality show? Who do I need to call to make this happen?

Maybe itís just me, but I find it extremely difficult to be nostalgic about things like Austin Powers when everyone is still running around talking like fucking Dr. Evil and it had a sequel come out in the theaters a year and a half ago. Hey, everyone, remember Lord of the Rings? Man, that was good times.

Now, something Iím legitimately nostalgic for: grunge. You could not shower and you werenít the smelly kid in class; it was just a fashion statement. You got to dress like shit and no one cared. The music was amazingly kickass. Of course, Kurt Cobain and Layne Staley are dead. Soundgarden broke up. Pearl Jam hasnít made a decent record since Vitalogy. Great, now Iím not nostalgic. Iím depressed.

If I were running the networks, Luis Guzman would have a show that could never be cancelled. Every word this man utters is a riot. In fact, I wish he could follow me around and comment on what Iím doing as I do it. I donít think Iíd get anything done, ever. Seriously.

What happens when Scott Ian from Anthrax has to scratch his chin? Does he just lift that long goatee up from the bottom and scratch? Would that even work? Or do you think he shaves and starts all over again?

What do you think itís like to be Pee Wee Herman? You rise through the TV ranks as an overgrown child. You get caught jerking off in a movie theater. Then, as an unrelated part of a child pornography ring, your collection of antique erotica gets confiscated. Every time this guy goes to take a piss, everyone thinks heís going to give it a tug. Poor bastard.

I have to say it: Ice-T is the coolest person in the world. Period. End of discussion.

Can someone explain to me how or why John Fugelsang is famous? What exactly does he do? Other than be annoying.




I Love “I Love the 70s,” “I Love the 80s,” “I Love the 90s,” and “I Love the 80s Strikes Back”

Parts I, II, III, & IV
by
Josh Abraham, Donnie Boman, Bunsen, Dennis DiClaudio,
Nick Jezarian, Christopher Monks, Mick Stingley, Matthew Tobey, & Geoff Wolinetz



I Love 'I Love the 70s,' 'I Love the 80s,' 'I Love the 90s,' and 'I Love the 80s Strikes Back'.