Character Breakdowns

Blake
27, brother of Mia, roommate to Mooch, boyfriend of Kerri.
He's not really such a sap, we've just caught him on a bad day. Any other time, he'd join in on Bo and Spitz's camaraderie. He and Kerri have broken up ten to twelve times, depending on how you count that one week in Hawaii. He's not really the cheating sort; the perpetual back-together-with-ness of his relationship with Kerri is the only thing that allowed him to justify his rendezvous with Shari. He's probably unsure if he wants to marry Kerri, and this whole Shari thing will likely determine whether he buys a ring or not.

Blake's inability to commit or to change makes him something like Hamlet (or Kerry), paralyzed by his indecisiveness. Blake is not naturally devious, and when he's desperate he humiliates himself. He trusts Mooch and Kerri more than he should.

Kerri
26, girlfriend to Blake.
First-year lawer. She's devious in her own way -- she knows exactly what she's doing by claiming ownership of the pregnancy test, even if it was a spur-of-the-moment ruse. She's a surrogate big sister to Mia, and a good match for Blake -- half the breakups were her doing. Kerri wonders often why she's with Blake in the first place. Everybody who knows them believes they belong together, and have begun to accept news of their breakups with a grain of salt. She'll be a killer litigator one day.

Mia
21, sister to Blake, roommate to Rona.
Mia is an actress, waitress, and singing clown. She's not the best actress around -- but she's got heart, and she'll never stop trying. She's chickened out of taking the pregnancy test half a dozen times – and when she's afraid, she gets aggressive. She brawls with everyone. She and Rona were friends once, and their current feud has that incredibly bitter personal vengeance underlying it.

Soon-Yi Finklestein
27, girlfriend/roommate to Dave.
Adopted and raised Jewish. She's not religious, but is hosting Shabbos dinner as a "cool" thing to do to spice up a boring housewarming. She's friends with Hilary and Dawn, but probably only because she finds them amusing. She's about an inch short of her breaking point with Dave's impotence.

Dave Muchinski
32, boyfriend/roommate to Soon-Yi, brother to Mooch.
Hard-working, good natured, responsible. He's always bailing Mooch out of trouble. Dave is understandably nervous about proposing to Soon-Yi -- but it's getting his schmeckle sliced for his conversion to Judaism that's got him impotent. He's a good soul who deserves better friends. Dave and Soon-Yi are the only members of this circle that do not lie, cheat, or hurt anyone.

Michael "Mooch" Muchinski
28, brother to Dave, roommate to Blake, friend of New York City.
Mooch hasn't held a job in years – he worked here and there, he had a settlement coming to him, some royalties for something or other… there's always something besides employment to keep him alive. He lives as if he's retired at the ripe old age of 28. Though he's sleeping with Mia behind Blake's back, he really does feel bad about it. He's a stand-up guy for the most part, and always there for a friend. He's crafty but doesn't really offer the best advice. His fumbles cause chaos for all around him. Rona was a drunken mistake, but Mooch makes many drunken mistakes.

Bo
26, coworker to Blake, Spitz, Hilary, Miranda et al.
Sneaky, fast-talking bullshit artist. All he wants is to get laid, and he will take home any creature that will have him. He masturbates twelve to fifteen times a day. He's a momma's boy. He ditches work regularly, to meet Mooch for a drink, a lapdance, or a matinee – or, this week, to woo Rachel under the pretense of apartment hunting. If not for mutual their friendship with Blake, Bo and Spitz would've never said two words to one another.

Hilary
25, coworker to Soon-Yi, Blake, Dawn, et al.
When she walks into a room, she thinks she is the smartest and the hottest one there. Half the time she's right. She's a clothes horse, a social climber, a clean freak, and she's got a touh of obsessive compulsive about her. Her officemates regard her as catty; her ex-boyfriends would call her bitchy.

Greg Spitz
27, coworker to Blake, Bo, et al., boyfriend/roommate to Maggie.
Spitz gets his taxes done early and has never paid a late charge to Blockbuster. He's a hard worker, a natty dresser, a gentleman always… but when he's drunk, he falls to pieces. He does love Maggie, but what attracted him most to her was that she's the least likely mate for him. He's completely despondent when she leaves him, even though he's better off without her. Besides being jilted, he's also fired and his apartment is robbed– you can't blame him for getting shitfaced today.

Rona
19, roommate to Mia.
She's a punky party girl and a strange artist. She goes clubbing every night, and though she's young, there's little she hasn't seen or done. She hangs with all crowds. She picks up Mooch ostensibly out of spite toward Mia, but she probably would've sooner or later, even had they not been fighting. She's all about having fun, but if you provoke her, you've made a vicious enemy.

Rachel "Boom Boom" Blumenthal
27, Realtor
She was a party girl in college but has since matured. She's a bit of a snob, but pulls it off as endearing. She's way out of Bo's league, but couldn't think quickly enough to fend off his relentless advances. Besides – she's the kind of girl who would let this scumbag buy her dinner and take her to a killer party just to ditch him there. No one knows this, but she was married for three weeks last year. And she's a little bitter.

Janine
20s, friend of Rachel's
She's a Jersey girl: hairspray, cleavage, and high volume. When she chews her gum, she snaps it. She's dated millionaires and thugs, and she's stalked a few of her ex-boyfriends. One took out a restraining order.

Ari
This guy is slick, good-looking, and rich but he does too much coke and is totally devoid of scruples. He enjoys videotaping his fiancée, mistress, and various one-night stands. He's that college buddy whom you can't shake. Wade is his trusty sidekick. He and Bo trade porn.

Tiffany
She's more Nicki than Paris. She's with Ari only because she thinks she recognizes a good catch. She's not stupid, just maybe focused on the wrong things.

Dawn
Bouncy, bubbly, maybe a little naïve -- every guy in the office has a little crush on her. She's Hilary's lap dog, but she secretly looks up to Soon-Yi. She likes to party.

John
Janitor/plumber.
He's your standard New York City lunatic – somebody you'll regularly see pop up on the subway or in the park that's distinctively harmless, likable, and completely off his rocker. He's been on a quest for most of his adult life, an he hasn't left Manhattan in seven years.

Marty
Bathroom attendant at the club [Uterus], next-door neighbor to Shari's sister.
Marty hates his job with the apathetic despair of any desk jockey, he's just on a different shift and doesn’t get a chair. What gets him through is his side business of dealing X. He does this as a precaution; he doesn't want some thug selling drugs in his swanky bathroom. If bad news is gonna happen, it may as well be Marty's doing. He's saving up to buy a bar. In Jamaica.

If Marty's particularly cranky when we meet him, it's because his constipation has forced him to spend his off-duty hours also in the can. Marty is friends with Mooch – a regular of Uterus. He regards John as a personal amusement.

Miranda
Our woman of intrigue. Hilary and Dawn gossip about her; they think she's a nymphomaniac. Perhaps she is, perhpas she isn't. She's quite well read. I heard she's fluent in twelve languages.

Simon
Coworker of Blake, Bo, Spitz, Hilary, et al.
Nebbishy little guy. No one's sure what's wrong with him – but no one's taken the time to know him. If he weren't so shakily anxiety-ridden, he might be mistaken for cool.

Shankley
40s, Junior Vice-President.
Cheeky middle-age Brit. And he's got something really unctuously deviant about him. He definitely reads the back pages of The Village Voice. He gives Spitz the willies, but Bo is chummy with him.

Maggie
20s, girlfriend/roommate to Spitz.
She's your standard hemp-wearing, incense-burning, Phish-loving, Wiccan, unshaven, vegan hippie. She dances around a tree on the vernal equinox. Why was she with Spitz? Nobody can figure that one out.

Shari
26, former girlfriend of Blake's.
She's a sweetie-pie; the all-American girl next door – and our damsel in distress. She's smart but not savvy. She gives up on escaping pretty quickly, and what frustrates her most is that she simply doesn't know what to do. She tries to amuse herself, but quickly goes stir-crazy.