Dear Christina Aguilera | Postmodern Irony Final Examination | On Values and Other Positions | Gygantopithecus Blackus or the Hunt for "Big Al" | The Nature of the Carolina Ghost Crab | Una Lettera Aperta Alla Gente Che Cerca "Piedi di Monica Bellucci" | Daily Pieces | Justin Timberlake's Acceptance Speech | Dear KTU | Axis of Weasel | If S.T.D.s Were People, I'd Be China | My Dinner with Bellucci and Bellow | Letters | Koufax! 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Books: Erotica | Purple Pants | Admissions Essays of Harvard Applicants Wholly Unqualified to Attend | Dear Sierra Mist | Swiffer, What’s up with That? | Puck Everlasting!: Stanley Cup 2003 | Omitting Needless Words | Dear New York Times 4 | Random Selections from the 'H' Volume of the Encyclopedia | Tidings of Joy | Californication Part III: Huff in Herre | Let’s Go France! | Dear Secretary of Transportation | Fall Première Week: What's on the News Tonight? | Springtime in the Ghetto | Fall Première Week: Reviews by a Stupid, Bitter Asshole | Dear AOL | March Birthdays | My Sitcom Pitch to a Guy in the Elevator Who I'm Pretty Sure Was NBC President Jeff Zucker Despite His Insistence on the Contrary | Inner Monologue from This Morning’s Subway Commute | More New Shows | Useful Phrases for the American in Paris | The Apology | Bea Arthur T-Shirt | Californication | K.B.N. On… | Hollywood Interruption | First Eight Drafts of My Resignation Letter | What Are We Doing for Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals? | Flirting with Death | Brief Character Summaries for My Yet-to-Be-Written Play | Dear Jen | Lady, Your Pipes Need Cleaning | Hasselhoff Swings! | The British Are Coming! The British Are Coming! | The Nose | Everything Is Translated | Letter from “Toothless” Jim O’Brien, Oldest Living Stanley Cup Winner | Random Selections from the 'U' Volume of the Encyclopedia | The Poker Game | February Birthdays | Evolution | What Are We Doing with Our Pucks? | Bowling | What’s in My Oscar Goodie Bag? | The Travis Diaries | "I Do" | Extreme Creative Writing | Possible Names for My Rock Band | May Birthdays | Dear Coca-Cola | Californication Part IV: I Am Your Governor | The Nine Lives of Chester the Cat | Memorial Day Mania! | January Birthdays | Californication Part II: In Like Me | Dear New York Times 2 | VT Girl: Stowe | Boneless Spare Ribs, What’s up with That? | Complete List of Nominees | Californication Part I: Watchu Talkin' 'Bout, Cali? | Timothy McSweeney's Pretentious Horseshit | Goth | 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Mutated Cloned Offspring | Fourth of July Fourthiness! | Behind the Scenes: Gigli | Dear Sally Field’s Agent | King Louis XIV’s To-Do List | Middle East Gawker | VT Girl: Swanton | A Muggle's Guide to Harry Potter | Reminiscing | Dear Dairy Barn | Deleted Scenes from Pirates of the Caribbean | Sentiments Anti-François | The 10-Spot | The Bone-Chilling, Spine-Tingling, Hair-Raising, Bloodcurdling Hallowe’en House of Horror! | Excerpted Transcript from the Worst Game Show Ever | June Birthdays | Dear New York Times 5 | Upcoming Titles from Y.P.R. Books: Travel | Infantile Nomenclature | Dear Oxford University | The Skin Project | Potty Humor | An Intervention... | Cinco de Disclaimer | The Persistance of Memory | Crappy Oscar Song That Is Not Clever but Shoots for Cheap Laughs Based on Recognition of Pop Melodies and Juxtaposition of Movie Titles | Columns | I Sooooo Need An Intern | How It Ended: My Last Four Relationships | Where God Lies | Dear Heinz Ketchup | Soapbox | Translation | ...If I Could Fly or Shoot Lasers from My Eyes | A Note from Ann Coulter Left on Neal's Pillow | Features | # 8 | The Other 45 Ways to Leave Your Lover | #9 Dream | 13 Things You Can Do With That | A Rant on the Blizzard | Urban Dance | For Further Reading | Premières You May Have Missed | July Birthdays | "Social" Studies, If You Know What I Mean | Hey That's My C(r)ab! | An AOL Chat | Upcoming Titles from Y.P.R. Books: Self-Help | Remember Our Fallen Heroes | How to Fix Your Canon Copier | What’s up with That? | About Y.P.R. | Re: My Afternoon | ¡A Message from Mexico’s Minister of Tourism! | Hold On to the Nights | Why This Broken Finger Sucks/Doesn't Suck | I Love the 80s! | "Rectum? I Damn Near Killed 'Em!" | Why I'll Never Be Featured at the Cannes Flm Festival | Slice of Heaven | Requiem for "Snark" | No More Fun | Contact | Faster Than a Speeding Bullet | Easter? I Hardly Know Her! | Inner Monologue from This Morning’s Subway Commute | The Global Male | A Lost Love Letter from a Soldier in Germany to His Sweetheart Back Home Discovered Beneath the Floorboards of this Old Apartment | Chimps | Lady, What's with All the Cats? | How Hallmark Invented Hallowe’en | A Letter from Brent D. Glass, Director, Smithsonian Museum of American History | Gross Anatomy | I’ve Got Your Memorial Day Sale Right Here! | ¡The Whole World Celebrates Cinco de Mayo! | Help | Cooking | VT Girl: Woodstock | You're Firing Me? | “Buffy” and “Dawson’s” Farewells, What’s up with Them? | Excerpt from the Best Harlequin Romance Ever | Your First Time | Exports | Re: Why Girls Can't Drive | Generic 60s Beach Sitcom | Why Ari Really Quit | Not Suitable for All Ages | Dear Spam | Sally's Guide to Cleansing Your Corporate Soul | Wedding Jitters | Dear Red Bull | Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Not Dead | George Washington’s To-Do List, July 4th, 1776 | My Cult Is Having Serious Problems | It’s the Great Pumpkin-Patch Farmer, Charlie Brown! | Gone Fishin' | Dear M&M’s | Nueve de Mayo | Fab Fours | It's All About the Sacagaweas | Dear Honorary Mayor of Hollywood | A Trick-or-Treat Guide to the Houses on My Block | A Hallowe’en Message from Dr. Demento | Some Fruit Salad | Pre-Natal Hoop Dreams | Ari and Aaron Exit Stage Left, What’s up with That? | ¡Don’t Want No Mexican Radio! | Geoff Wolinetz, Guest Bartender: A Review | Around the World | Life as a Houseboat | Kindred Spirits | ¡Cinco de Mayo! | Why Girls Can't Drive | Dear HBO | Dear New York Times 3 | Jay-Z's "Do Re Me" | Pen Pals | I Could Simonize My Car | Scenes from Next Week's Episode of "Potato, Come Home!" | Dear Doctor Zizmor | I Can't Wait for My Midlife Crisis! | Lo! Bread of Affliction: How to Flirt at the Seder | Dear Hip-Hop | More Soup, Please | The Life of My Least-Favorite English Professor | Dear Maxell | Bloggery | Top Ten Things that Sucked about My Day | December Birthdays | My Huge Head | Nick’s Guff | Cause Célèbre | ¡What to Do with Your Empty Corona Bottle! | Sticky Situation | ...And the Horse You Rode In On | How to Get Rid of a Body Using Household Objects | Some Fruit Salad | Do Not Spindle or Mutilate | A Postcard from Joan | Mistakes I've Made | You’re Invited to Our Memorial Day BBQ Bash! | Giorno dello Sciocco di Aprile | Clips from Upcoming Stuff I Don't Want to See | Things I Can't Believe Happened (March 2003) | Dear Hershey’s | Contest Contest | Never Mind the One-Liners | Alternative Uses for Instant Paper Pulp | A Salute to Some Things Irish | Hasselhoff: A Retrospecive | L'Chiam! | Neal Pollack Roast: | Beef | Operation: Bloodbath | The Matrix Reloaded, What’s up with That? | Stats for the Neal Pollack | Blackout | C.C. Results: Column Contest | Dear Neal | I'm Sorry, What? | What Are We Giving Trick-or-Treaters at Our Door? | XL | A Good Piece of 'S' | November Birthdays | The Semi-Private Thoughts of Connie Chung | Why I Will Never Win the Nobel Peace Prize | August Birthdays | Lenny Goldfarb, Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse | Confessions of a Kindergarten Mind | Oscar Coverage 2003 | E-Mail to God | From the Producers of "24" | Advance Publicity for My Unwritten Masterpiece in Case I'm Dead | Staff | Henny Youngman’s Lifetime-Achievement Award Acceptance Speech | Jobs | Links | That's Not How You Shave a Bear | Subscribe | September Birthdays | Support | Submit | Bruce Vilanche’s To-Do List | Shop | A Note about the Type | Recipe for Yankee Pot Roast | Suggestions for Reading and Enjoying Yankee Pot Roast | A Blank Piece of Paper, Zen-like in Its Infinite Possibility | Cautionary Tales for Teens | Y.P.R.'s Apology | A Reason to Party | October Birthdays | .edu: An Exchange with My Alma Mater | Obituaries | [Nick Owes Geoff $5] | Spike | Inner Monologue from This Morning's Subway Commute | Announcing "Graphology" | Y.P.R.'s Cheap & Stupid Stunt for Shameless Self-Promotion that Nonetheless Guarantees a Good Time for One and All | Inner Monologue from This Morning’s Subway Commute | Six Months Old | VT Girl: Putney | Submit |