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For over 150 years, Speaker's Corner has been one of London's most unique and eccentric attractions. On any given Sunday morning, anyone who has an opinion to air -- or who simply wants to listen -- will gather at the point where Oxford Street and Hyde Park meet, in the shadows of Marble Arch, and carry on an oral tradition that is becoming somewhat lost to a modern culture of electronic mail and chat rooms. Y.P.R. recognizes the need for commentary
regarding society, life in the new global economy, chicken wings, ball bearings or anything else that may strike one's fancy. So put on your Sunday best, clear
your throat, step up onto the soapbox and speak up!
Dear Binghamton, Thank you for your e-mail concerning Binghamton Homecoming. While I am pleased you consider me a distinguished enough alumnus to keep me informed of key happenings in the Binghamton Universe, I’d like to save you some trouble. After spending four years in your cold brick buildings amidst the downtrodden urban landscape of upstate New York, I’d rather eat tofu Twizzlers until my spleen explodes than make the trek to Binghamton for homecoming. As enticing as may be the potential opportunity to rub shoulders with such distinguished alumni as Billy Baldwin and... actually, I think Billy Baldwin is the only person even marginally famous that ever went to Binghamton. Although, I did hear that Ben Vereen once passed through campus in a deep acid trip. Either way, I ain’t going and that’s final. Book it. Is Billy coming though? Frankly, I’m still harboring a slight grudge for kicking me out of my dormitory for a little puff-puff-give. I wasn’t the one who opted to make the floor chemical free. It was you. I’m not full of only complaints though. I do have a few suggestions for improving the Homecoming and the alumni experience overall. For starters, drop the “Hot Hula” theme for this year’s Homecoming. From what I understand, you had Hot Lips Houlihan slated to deliver a drunken address to the student body. That’s about where your good ideas stop. In fact, maybe you should drop Homecoming altogether, considering we don’t even have a football team. The only real school spirit you see floating around the campus is when someone gets a shipment of the “danks” floating around. Know what I mean? No, of course you don’t, that’s why I was on probation for four years. Let’s make a deal Binghamton: you promise to have some more interesting “student happenings” than an author who wrote “Ascending the Periodic Table in 23 days” and I’ll send you something more than the flaming bags of poop I keep leaving on the Dean’s door. Perhaps we can even agree to pretend Christopher Walken is an alumnus. How about a shout-out in the next newsletter for a Binghamton Alumni Web site? www.yankeepotroast.org A little Binghamton love perhaps? The site is dutifully maintained by three of your most under-achieving students of all-time. Best Regards,
Nick Jezarian
P.S. Sometimes e-mail is plenty.
--- "[xxxxx], Peggy" <[xxxxx]@binghamton.edu> wrote:
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