C O N T E S T   C O N T E S T R E S U L T S : C O L U M N   C O N T E S T ! BY Y.P.R. Okay, kids, first off: a congratulatory "Here, here" to Mike Ng, winner of our Contest Contest -- in which readers were challenged to create a contest -- for suggesting (albeit in a slightly different form, since modified by Y.P.R. to suit our very needy needs) the winning entry: THE COLUMN CONTEST. The Column Contest goes into effect... now. The rules are so simple, even a chimpanzee with a learning disability could enter: Suggest a column. Write a sample. Win! It's that easy. The winning column-suggester will become a columnist, right here on Y.P.R. That's right, with the glory comes great responsibility: the winner will be expected to maintain this column at a semi-regular interval (to be determined between columnist and Y.P.R.). But that's not all. The winning columnist will also get a Beatrice Arthur T-shaped garment in his or her size and style. Here's where it gets innnnteresting: What we're looking for in a column is something creative, fictiony, and with a "voice." You could, for example, write a column as if it were written by Ben Affleck, detailing his woes as the impending doom of a wedding date looms ever nearer. You could write a column that focuses solely on the merits of the metric system as encountered in your day-to-day adventures. You can write about all the different guys named Fred you meet. Whatever; we don't care what it's about as long as it makes people want to read it. Nitty-gritty: E-mail your entry by Sept. 10 to ypr@yankeepotroast.org. Enter as often as you like. Entries should include: Your name. Your column name. A sample column. Three reasons why you love to eat cheese. Be brilliant.* Good Luck. *Any entry making the terrible pun about Doric, Ionic, or Corinthian will be immediately disqualified on the bases of lamity. Unless, of course, the column focuses on Columns, which would be nifty. WONDROUS PIECES OF FICTION, SERVED FRESH, HOT, & DAILY, CAN BE ENJOYED IN OUR ARCHIVE. HAVE SOME, WON't YOU?