Lite Beer
Marilyn Monroe
A previously unutterable curse word
Democracy
Vampire bats
Baseball bats
Pool tables with built-in beer coasters along the rim
Soft-core porn
More than enough laywers
Ramen noodles
Baking-soda toothpaste
Andy Kaufman
Chia pets
Solicitors
Final exams
Walt Disney
A chance to start at the bottom in the bureaucracy of Satan's Empire
The cure for the common cold
The Cure
That-girl-who-played-Felicity's hair.
Keyboards missing the 'Ctrl,' 'Alt,' and 'Delete' keys
Jimi Hendrix
Yankee pot roast
Slightly-less-than-Cuban cigars
No locks on the doors
Free, yet closely monitored, Internet access
A speck of blue, somewhere
Fashionable, yet constraining, neck ties
Disco bowling
THINGS WE HOPE TO FIND IN PURGATORY
(NIPPING THIS IN THE BUD)
O’Doul’s
Déjà vu
Copier/fax/printers (no toner)
USA Today
Rice cakes
Beige, taupe, ecru
Lukewarm Pepsi
Guys named "Mark"
Jews for Jesus
Luxemburg
Limbo sticks... (ha, ha)
...but not Rush Limbaugh (ha.)
Toyota Priuses
The 1990s
Garrison Keillor
The touch, the feel of cotton, the fabric of our lives
Milk
Sting's last four albums
The excised skits from 90-minute "Saturday Night Live" episodes that are truncated to 60 minutes for syndication.
*SUBMIT! SUBMIT!.*
*ARCHIVES! ARCHIVES!*
