Ain't our soapbox neat?
LITERARY FÊTE

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S O A P B O X

For over 150 years, Speaker's Corner has been one of London's most unique and eccentric attractions. On any given Sunday morning, anyone who has an opinion to air -- or who simply wants to listen -- will gather at the point where Oxford Street and Hyde Park meet, in the shadows of Marble Arch, and carry on an oral tradition that is becoming somewhat lost to a modern culture of electronic mail and chat rooms. Y.P.R. recognizes the need for commentary regarding society, life in the new global economy, chicken wings, ball bearings or anything else that may strike one's fancy. So put on your Sunday best, clear your throat, step up onto the soapbox and speak up!


this is a crockpot.

W H A T ' S   N E W ,   P U S S Y C A T ?

BY
YANKEE POT ROAST



Welcome, loyal Y.P.R. acolytes!

It’s hard not to notice that Yankee Pot Roast has undergone some changes of late: a voice that continually cracks at hilariously inopportune moments; an oily, greasy complexion; the tendency to anglicize things, like the spelling of “complexion”; and, most notably, patches of hair sprouting in spots formerly smooth, like the soles of its feet. Yes, it appears that Y.P.R. has either reached puberty or is transforming into something from Middle-Earth. We hope it’s the latter, because puberty’s just plain awkward, while hobbits promise big merchandising bucks.

Anyway:

Font-savvy readers will notice that our typeface is now bigger, bluer, and ribbed, for her pleasure. That’s because our lease on Garamond was up, so we’ve traded it in for Book Antiqua. We had good times with Garamond, and there will always be a special place in our hearts for that little font, but it is now time to move on. So please, won’t you welcome Book Antiqua to the Y.P.R. family?

Now, if one glances toward one o’clock on the imaginary clock face that people seem to require in order to look in the right direction, some new sections will be clearly visible on our banner.

Joining veteran character actor Geoff Wolinetz’s fantastic column, Fruit Salad, is former-Crip-turned-Blood Nick Jezarian’s Guff, wherein the gangsta wrapper* will generously distribute his gufftastic guffery as freely and as often as the guff-bearing limits of our servers will allow. Also among Y.P.R.’s new sections is poet-laureate and okapi-wrangler Josh Abraham’s What’s Up with That?, a column which will explore the ever-changing world around us and how it effects the Way We Live Now,** while examining what, if anything, is up with those things. W.U.w.T. will be updated as frequently or infrequently as circumstances dictate.

For Further Reading will present a glimpse into the vast universe beyond Y.P.R.: information about our army of talented contributing writers, and where their non-Y.P.R. work may be discovered, read, and enjoyed; other great websites that take after Y.P.R.’s own heart, likewise believing that pens can beat swords in a game of Two for Flinching; Y.P.R. work-product that has found a home, or is squatting, on other websites; hyperlinks that redirect Web surfers toward other quality people, places, blogs, and more.

Other brand-spanking-new treats lurk just about anywhere one might click. There is now a Mass Communiqué that will detail Y.P.R.’s comings and goings. The bulletin will be beamed through cyberspace, directly from Y.P.R.’s collective hearts to the inboxes of loyal acolytes round the world, regularly on solstices and equinoxes, and irregularly as subject to sporadic fits of inspiration and/or drunken regret. Shortly, there will be a brickless, mortarless Superstore wherein visitors may purchase Y.P.R.-related merchandise, Y.P.R. published materials, and ingredients necessary to cook a Yankee pot roast.

But what isn’t broke, we didn’t fix: as long as celebrities keep having birthdays, Y.P.R. will send Birthday Cards. So long as there are stamps, Y.P.R. will spread its goodwill through Letters to unsuspecting strangers. And our Features section will feature future features of far-fetched fiction so freaking fantastic, you’ll freak.

As always, our homepage will continue to offer Daily Pieces of the finest, freshest fiction available, served piping hot each and every weekday.

Lastly, in the manner of non-fiction – commentary, opinions, reviews, and the like, about all things political, cultural, or gastrointestinal – there is the Y.P.R. Soapbox, which is where you are right now, reading this very article, the likes of which will also be found on the Soapbox. Welcome to the Y.P.R. Soapbox, now open for business.

Okay, now go submit.







*Yes, wrapper, not rapper. Nick likes wrapping gifts. So?

** The Way We Live Now, ©, 1966, Y.P.R.
The New York Times Magazine ripped that off from us because Y.P.R. ran off with N.Y.T.M.’s fiancée. Ha. Losers.






this is a crock.


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