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RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. DOES Y.P.R. ACCEPT SUBMISSIONS? Yes!
BUT, HOW? Yankee Pot Roast accepts submissions, but only from the pure of heart. Send an e-mail to hasselhoff@yankeepotroast.org. Please include your submission in the body of your e-mail message. Attachments are cumbersome. Please be sure to include your full name (even if you write under a pen name). Also be sure to list three reasons you like to eat cheese. We do not judge your reasons. We used to foolishly demand that "All submissions MUST contain in the subject line the following: 'I hereby offer this majestic sacrifice to the editorial gods of Yankee Pot Roast.'" No longer. We're tired of reading that in the subject line. Also, the lack of a hint to the subject matter makes it really hard to find things in the inbox. Just the name of the submitted piece is fine. Or surprise us. Tell us something interesting, if you like.
Submissions should be kept shortish. There are no nice round numbers to use as guidelines, because Y.P.R. does not believe in the boundaries of finite integers.* Shortish should be understood cleanly enough, no? If you've got something non-shortish, perhaps you should consider its readability with the vowels extracted.
n.b.: Sloppy penmanship will not be tolerated. THINGS WE LIKE Oh, you know: good things. Silly things. Smart things. Sexy/scary things. Snazzy things.
Y.P.R. has had or will have or currently is having:
Short fiction, short plays, essays, letters, lists, monologues, erotic confessionals, graduate theses, recipes, résumés, old-timey vaudeville routines, magicians' patter, presidential addresses, directors' commentaries, cheesy pick-up lines, limericks, haikus, sestinas, sonnets, book reports, eulogies, advice columns, liner notes, TV Guide episode summaries, talk-show transcripts, diary entries, shopping lists, rap-metal lyrics, prescription-drug side effects, operatic arias, sea shanties, retro advertising jingles, tabloid gossip, dirty jokes, video-game cheat codes, ham-radio jargon, shout-outs to homies, and things poorly translated from foreign languages. As for non-fiction, or non-fictiony things: Previously, Y.P.R. was reticent to feature journalism, reviews, op-eds, or "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" pieces, even if said summer vacations were really, really cool. Well, Y.P.R. is fickle and capricious. Now, non-fictiony dispatches are collected in the Soapbox. So go ahead, scream it loudly and proudly. THINGS WE LIKE, BUT DO NOT WANT Pictures. Except for pictures of Yankee pot roast (or of Yankee Pot Roast). Pictures of the meal itself, or of you enjoying the meal, or of other people enjoying the meal, or of unorthodox uses/situations surrounding the meal (and/or, likewise, the .org). Please do not send pictures of ingredients.
Y.P.R. does not do fake news, because, really, have you not read The Onion?
As for material that has been previously (or is currently) published or posted someplace else: None of that, please. Of course, contributing authors will retain all rights to any work featured on Y.P.R. Please see our Copyright Info. If Y.P.R. has posted something you've sent and you need it for another purpose (like, say, a venue that actually pays its authors in legal currency rather than in mere abstract gratitude), simply e-mail us and we'll un-post (de-post?) your piece. SOME OTHER THINGS WE'RE LOOKING FOR The 'P' in Alex P. Keaton. Peabody? Pinkerton? If anybody can provide a good and confirmed answer, he or she will earn a free beer of his/her choice. And a gracious handshake/hug, accordingly.
* We are awestruck by the power of 8.
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