Dear Ian Z,
Happy happy birthday birthday. Ian Zing Zing, I can’t believe you’re 40 today! Just like that—Poof! It seems like just yesterday you were in high school. Whatever happened after you graduated? Did you stick around in your old ’hood, or did you branch out? I haven’t heard much from you and would love to get the lowdown on the down-low “90210” character. I’m overwhelmed, so many things to say to you, Z. Ian Zehring. Fun name you have there. I don’t know if you’re tweaked by it, but I still can’t get over how you were the least notable character on “90210”; even David got more play than you in the end. You were the one who drove the Corvette, Steve, you! Did you ever get the sneaking suspicion that they were using you for your ’vette? You had the cash money rollin’. I think they were all jealous, but you know how high school is: Look at me, I’m Brandon, I need to work at the Peach Pit to earn my car. Get lost, Brando! And then there’s Dylan, the low talker. He had to be all mysterious-like because he didn’t have the goods. But you, Steve, you laid it out. The tight curly hair, a blond MC Serch, the ’vette-driving, obnoxious, ignorant prick. You were the man! You were more like any kid in high school than those other “90210” clowns. You kept it real! Don’t get me wrong, you probably would have beaten me up in high school, but I felt you, man. You were acting! Whoo, hot stuff. I hope to see you at the 20-year reunion.
Keep the curls tight.
90210 + 1,
P.S. It’s Donna D’Erico’s birthday today too. I think she’s a little down on her luck also. Maybe you should swing that *ahem* ’vette on by, if you get me.