Lesser Known Secrets from Secret Antiperspirant & Deodorant …

Secret #15
Sometimes I lie about my age

Secret #27
I think mustaches are sexy

Secret #29
I carry a rabbit’s foot with me on my first dates

Secret #36
My favorite Beatle is Ringo

Secret #46
I whistle in the shower

Secret #48
I let my dog sleep on the bed while I get fucked

Secret #49
I’m addicted to Karaoke

Secret #50
I used to be a roller-skate queen

Secret #57
My favorite dress is from Target and I shoplifted it

Secret #58
Romantic movies on the WE channel make me cry

Secret #66
Weddings make me cry

Secret #76
Sad songs make me cry

Secret #78
I often throw up after giving head

Secret #91
I wash my hair with my own urine

Secret #94
I watch ESPN just to help me get myself off

Secret #95
There’s this thirteen-year-old bag-boy who works at Safeway that
I totally want to nail

Secret #99
I love it when a man doesn’t shave off all his body hair

Secret #107
My fantasy is to go back in time to my high school prom, wear a spectacular Dolce & Gabana dress, have Kevin Spacey as my date, and revive the living dead to come and slaughter all those bastards who ignored me. Who’s laughing now?!

Secret #112
I bleach my asshole

Secret #116
I still play with dolls

Secret #118
I worship an omnipotent squirrel named Connor who lives in the tree outside my bathroom window

Secret #129
I accessorize with a strawberry-blond merkin

Secret #137
If I were a supermodel, I’d use all my money to give to charity, and to buy crack for said charities

Secret #143
I pretended to be insane to avoid going to trial

Secret #155
When I’m having sex with a complete stranger, I often think about Uncle Richard

Secret #156
They’ll never pin that murder on me, as long as they never find the gun that I hid under that Dumpster on the corner of 38th & Park … Oops! Damn it!

Secret #177
I give names to each one of my dildos corresponding to the president they most closely resemble

Secret #179
I’m going to spend my modeling fee from the Secret campaign on an ass-lift

Secret #180
When I get anxious, I pluck out my pubic hair. With my teeth.

Secret #182
In a manner of speaking, I have a penis

Secret #201
Most of my so-called friends have tried to get me committed at one time or another

Secret #221
I had to sleep with four executives at Procter & Gamble to get this gig

Secret #319
I hate myself