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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The Black Table Roast

The Black Table Roast

The Black Table RoastAh, The Black Table1—the Internet’s finest source of dubious “journalism.” Where else could you find such filthy, alcohol-fueled rants with a shred of respectability? The Black Table was a stalwart of the online community. They launched some writing careers (and buried some too), threw frequent parties, paid their taxes on time, and always had a big bag full of drugs for wayward teens who’d come to New York City to hit it big.

Today, we send the Tablers—A.J. Daulerio, Aileen Gallagher, Eric Gillin, and Will Leitch—out in style, with a Yankee Pot Roast Roast to paddle their asses as they walk for the door.

1 We wish we could attribute this to some snarky roast maneuver, but the truth is we’re complete morons: This entire thing was assembled without a single hypertext link pointing toward the Table on any of its pages. It’s kind of O.K., because a) they’ve effectively set a long-term goal of zero traffic, and b) have you not heard of The Black Table? Really? Anyway, folks, it’s blacktable.com—and, we’ve been meaning to ask, for three years now, where’s the the? Why aren’t you theblacktable.com? We’ve mistyped that misleading article and come up bupkes thousands of times, for fuck’s sake.

The Roastees Respond
(sort of)

The Black List: Funny for Nothing and We’re Dicks for Free by Jen Hubley
Believe the Hype? The Black Table by Tim Grierson
Will Leitch and Eric Gillin Use Instant Messenger to Defuse a Bomb by Rick Chandler
The Black Table: I Only Know Them for Networking Reasons by Joel Keller
A Quick Roast, Pt. I by Lindsay Robertson
A Quick Roast, Pt. II by Jeff Koyen
The Week in Craig by Amy Blair
Outgoing! by Nick Jezarian
Waxing Off: Thank You for Being a Friend by the Golden Girls

Six Things You Don’t Know about The Black Table
by Kittenpants

The New York Friars Club Roast of The Black Table by Matthew Tobey, The City of Floating Blogs