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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Friday, November 3, 2006

Fashion Preview: Four Styles You Should Expect to See Hipsters Wearing This Fall

Beverage Chic
Sometimes confused with Trucker Chic because of the Miller High Life T-shirt common in both. Beverage Chic seeks to capitalize on the understated allure of all liquid nourishment. An example outfit would be a red Coca-Cola golf shirt, a pair of lightweight khaki pants bearing the Columbia Crest Vineyard crest on the butt, and a pair of flip-flops bearing the Capri Sun logo on the thong. The example given here would be a great choice for a Beverage Chic-er looking to make an impression on a first date at the miniature golf course.

Iranian Chic (sometimes referred to as “Iranian Sheik”)
Maintaining inverse symmetry with the neoconservatives, your politically and fashion-savvy hipster will be donning a galabiyya this fall. In this section of trendy dress, most of the fun is had with the different head wear options which range from the intimidating Large Turban to the “Lazy Sunday” look of the headband wrapped around draped white linen. This September, when you walk into your favorite coffee shop, you may think to yourself “Tehran?” but just remind yourself that it is, in fact, after Labor Day.

“I’m With” Chic
As social trends and groupings blur together, there will be those that seek clarity in the cut and dry world of “I’m With” Chic. Ranging anywhere from the classic (“I’m With Stupid”) to the obscure (“I’m With Transgender Confused”), the simplicity in this style is the foundation of its complexity. Allowing the observer to project onto her subject exactly who is with what and why, “I’m With” Chic points the magnifying glass right back at society and says, “Are you with us?”

Cabbie Chic
Sometimes confused with Iranian Chic because of the Large Turban found in both styles. Cabbie Chic picks up where last season’s Airline Pilot Chic dropped off. It simultaneously conveys feelings of “I’m in a terrible rush” and “Let’s stop off for a quick tabouli platter” without any perceived contradiction. Those donning the checkered printed shirts and bushy beards silently ask onlookers for the street addresses of their fashion futures and then encourage them to sit back and leave the driving to Cabbie Chic.

Douglas Robert Dean is an aspiring amateur phrenologist and disc golfer in Portland, Oregon. Currently, he is in the blueprint stage of turning his living room into a dojo. His short fiction can be found at Dean's Den.