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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Monday, July 14, 2003

Happy Birthday, Tommy Mottola!

Dear Mr. Mottola,

Why are you being such a prick? I’ve been sending you a demo tape on 8-track every single week for a year, and yet still I have no recording contract. Be honest: Do I really suck? Or are you just a prick? I don’t think my singing sucks, pal.

Happy Birthday.

Best,
Josh

P.S. Can you at least send me back some of those tapes? 8-track tapes are costly and hard to find, you prick.

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