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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Monday, December 15, 2003

Happy Birthday, Don Johnson!

Dear DoJo,

Happy 54th Birthday! In honor of your special day, big Don, I’ll be spending 16 straight hours on my couch watching a “Nash Bridges” marathon with my dog Wiggles. Wiggles loves your show. He can even bark the theme song! Wow, 16 hours of “Nash.” Does life get any better? I don’t want to miss a minute of it, and neither does Wiggles. Heck, I’m not even going to get up to go to the bathroom! No sir, if I have to go #1, I’ll just do it in the empty Diet Mountain Dew bottle I keep beside the couch for emergency #1 occasions. If I have to go #2, I’ll just close my eyes and mentally will the bad stuff to go back to Hell where it came from, just like the nuns taught me to in kindergarten. Oh boy, Nash, Nash, Nash. Hurray!

Happy birthday, D.J.

Josh Abraham

P.S. Do you know how to get dog mess out of couch upholstery? The couch is plaid, does that help?