Dear Mr. Piscopo,
Happy 52nd birthday!
This morning, I was scanning the shelves at my local Blockbuster Video for some good Piscopo movies when a man in a Stetson hat accosted me and demanded I return his typewriter. I’d never seen the man before, and, what’s more, I don’t even own a typewriter. I tried calming the man but he was irate and waved his hands furiously as he repeated his demands. I decided the Man in the Stetson Hat must be a crazed lunatic. I quickly struck him in the neck with a defensive maneuver taught to me by a Nepalese sherpa, and the mad fellow went down in the Action/Adventure aisle. Action/Adventure, indeed!
I high-tailed it out of the video store, Mr. Piscopo, headed straight home, and, after two glasses of rye to soothe my nerves, I decided to type this letter to you seeking advice, because you are a very big movie star and must deal with crazed lunatics like this all the … Oh. This typewriter. Oops. Never mind. Please disregard.
Happy Birthday, Joe!
All the best,