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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Thursday, June 12, 2003

Happy Birthday, Marv Albert!

Dear Marv,

YES! Happy birthday!

Look man, I understand. You are into freaky sex. Big deal. If liking hot candle wax on down your back and biting S & M mistresses is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Am I right, my man? Up high! Besides, there are worse things in the world that getting your ass beaten red by a large woman in leather chaps. We have a such a problem with sex in this country. The rest of the world thinks we’re ridiculous. If liking oral sex is a crime, I’d have been in jail a long time ago. Are you with me? All right. Come to think of it, I was in jail a while ago. I really thought that cop was a prostitute.

Hey, enjoy your birthday, brother.

Geoff Wolinetz