Aardvarks Like Root Beer: Nine Poems
Alcoholics Anonymous Anonymous
There should be
help for people
who drink to forget
their names.
* * *
Worst Beach Read Ever
The problem I’ve got
with the phone book?
Too many characters,
not enough plot.
* * *
Lucky Me
I always score
on blind dates.
What can I say?
Service dogs
think I’m sexy.
* * *
Toothpaste
I would be surprised
if my teeth actually
held shit together.
* * *
Banjo Lessons 1–3
1.) If you do the crime,
you have to do the time.
2.) Tune it, motherfucker.
3.) Lists are often jokes.
* * *
Romantic Poem
Unlike most guys,
I respect women
for their bodies.
* * *
Evenings & Weekends
No need to get into
all the gory details here.
Let’s just say that I don’t
babysit anymore.
* * *
Flea Market
It was the smallest tent
of novelty T-shirts
I’d ever seen.
* * *
Our First Priority Should Be Educating the Children (Not Animal Testing)
Some poets force poor,
defenseless laboratory
bunnies to laugh until
they cry. But not me—
because I don’t think
there’s anything funny
about a rabbit in a cage
after its mascara has run.
