Dear Ms. Marshall,
Happy 61st Birthday!
Penny, I was digging through the farthest reaches of my jumbo walk-in closet in search of my lucky pleather pants when I found a couple of shirts with Bedazzler-bejeweled cursive capital letter Ls over the left breast pocket. They sure ain’t mine. Are they yours? How the hell did they get in my closet? And I can’t find my lucky pleather pants anywhere.