— Fiction —

Form Letter Rejection from the Magazine Every Day with Rachael Ray

Hi There!

Thanks for your interest in Every Day with Rachael Ray and your recent submission. It’s so awesome that you thought of us! Unfortunately, your story idea does not meet our needs at this time. We get an INSANE amount of queries each day (I mean, let me tell ya) and regret that we can’t comment on each one.

Being a freelance writer must be a tough job. This girlfriend of mine, Cheryl, she’s a freelance writer and she’s always rushing from here to there. She’s crazy busy! If you’re hard-working like my friend Cheryl, and I know you are because you’re sending out a killer query letter, you deserve a special treat. Go out and get a pedicure—or for you guys, treat yourself to a straight razor shave at one of those cool new upscale barbershops. You deserve it!

I can guarantee that while we’re unable to give you specific feedback on your query, your story idea was carefully considered by one of our editors. I mean, we’re not perfect here at Every Day. Your story might be just fab for another outlet, and we wish you the best of luck placing it elsewhere.
I know it’s a bummer to get a letter like this. Sometimes, when I’ve had a hard day—you know how some days you come home and you’re just kind of cranky—I like to whip up some comfort food, snuggle on the couch with my honey, and pop in a good movie like an old-fashioned Western. You know what would go good with that? Some big, cowboy turkey burgers. How good does that sound? Yum-o. I like a dash of hot sauce for an extra kick. Oh yeah!

Please send us more story ideas soon. We’d love to hear from you! We use a lot of freelance work. It’s a great fake-out that makes our friends think we’ve been slaving away all month putting our magazine together. Just buy a few good articles, and we’re good to go! Again, it’s super cool that you thought of us. Well, I’m all out of time for today. We look forward to hearing from you next time!

Bye-bye,
Rachael Ray :)