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Friday, March 2, 2007

Happy Birthdays, John Irving and Tom Wolfe!

Dear John/Tom,

I had a little extra time on my hands last week, so I swung by the bookstore and picked up your latest respective offerings. John, your new book is wonderful. My puppy pit bull, Eudora, likes to relieve herself all over Chapter 3; though I prefer to wipe my ass with Chapter 7. Tom, your new book is quite good as well. I’ve torn the pages in even strips and, with a little help from my friends Water, Flour, and Glue, made a beautiful papier-mâché house, a mask, and a hat. Since you’re such a long-winded blowhard, I have enough left over to throw off the deck of the ship as I depart on my next cruise. Bon voyage, losers.

Happy birthday,
John Updike