Monday, May 26, 2003
Memorial Day Mania

Last Words

Since the Revolutionary War, countless brave young men and women have given their lives for their countrymen. Only very few have had their last words recorded in the annals of history …

“Hey, do you know you look just like Charlie Chaplin?”

Private Mickey Thomas, World War II

“Hey who keeps calling my name?”

Private Charlie Muckle, Viet Nam

“You’re the traitor? You, Heinrich Massimo Mokumoto? I can’t believe it!”

Private Ben Watterly, World War II

“Hey, you know what? This stuff doesn’t taste like chicken—”

Private Ricky Rodriguez, Korean War

“A red coat, really? That’s so 1774 …”

General William Cornsmith, Revolutionary War

“I’m sick of sitting in these trenches. Who wants crepes?”

Unknown soldier, World War I

“If I don’t make first flute chair in the troop marching band, I don’t know what I’ll do…”

Commander Richard Fleagle, Civil War

“Sheeit, this ain’t nuthin’ like that Allen Sherman song. ‘Camp Grenada,’ my ass.”

Private Tyrone Smith, Grenada

“Do you smell frying baloney? Oh, I see. That’s my legs on fire. Well then …”

General Ruford Clifton, War of 1812

“Walk softly and carry a big stick? Poppycock. The wise man walks loudly and wields no weapon.”

Private Horatio Hufferton, Spanish American War

“Hey fellas. Mind if I put on some Kenny G?”

Private Tyrone Smith Jr., Gulf War

“Look over there! Here comes General Sherman now. I bet he’ll love Atlanta.”

Sargeant Nathan Fudgewall, Civil War

“I smell mustard. Hey, everybody, mustard! Let’s go see what’s cookin’—”

Private Thomas Walker, World War I

You're Invited to the Big Wood Annual Memorial BBQ Bash ...! Molly and I would like to invite y'all to our annual Memorial Day BBQ Bash!!! This year, in support of all our troops overseas, we're going with the most patriotic theme we could think of. That's right: "G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero"!!!!!!!!
Memorial Day Mania
Memorial Day Mania! In which we offer some mischief and mayhem tangentially related to Memorial Day. Think Toyatathon.
Happy Birthday, Ian McKellan! Dear Sir, Happy 64th birthday! To celebrate, I'm playing with my Magneto and Gandalf action figures! I've got original Magneto from X-Men, the new Magneto from X2, and Magneto with Super Magnet-Sticking Action™. It really sticks to everything metal! My...

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