Tuesday, September 5, 2006

Wedding Weekend … Sha La La La

I realize that you come to Yankee Pot Roast not to hear about our daily lives, which involve day jobs and other such nonsense. Instead you seek us out, or stumble across us, to get a daily dose of humor and satire and other such things. Bare with me this once though as I give you a little slice of the life of our co-editor, the man known as Wolinetz.

jen_singing_to_geoff.jpgThis past weekend saw YPR’s own Geoff Wolinetz get hitched to the lovely and talented Jennifer Monatlik. We can prove that Jen is uber-talented because beyond agreeing to take on the challenge of feeding and nurturing Geoff, ultimately transforming him from talented slacker into semi-productive member of society, she also sings. We have proof too. In this picture, Jen is crooning “Let’s Get It On”. For the record, this goes down as the second best version I’ve ever heard, right ahead of Marvin Gaye’s version, and slightly behind Jack Black’s rendition in High Fidelity.

Not to be outdone, Geoff also stepped up to the mic and sang the whitebread theme song - “Sweet Caroline” with the help of the band. The backup singers discreetely turned Geoff’s mic down so he could ride their coattails, which is why they get paid the big bucks. One thing can be said though, Geoff looked good and he danced his ass off. Not bad… for a quadruped. In all seriousness, we here at YPR headquarters couldn’t be happier for the two lovebirds who jetted off in the middle of the night to make pottery in the Caribbean… or something.

geoff_singing_sweet_carolin.jpgAnother highlight of the evening was when young Alex Wolinetz gave his best man toast and compared the holy union of Geoff and Jen to the Allied powers coming together to kick Hitler’s mustachioed ass. What follows is a transcript as can best be remembered. Any typos or ill-conceived logic in the attached paragraph, please attribute to the Gin and Tonics:

Speaking about dates (September 2nd in this instance)…I (took) it upon myself to do some research, and see what famous events also happened on this date in years past. Geoff and Jen, perhaps looking at these past events can give you some words of encouragement and luck as you enter your married life. And lo and behold, September second was the date that World War II officially ended. Before that date, the world argued, debated, and fought, but decided that if they conceded to each other and bound together, that their future would be bright and happy. Actually, much like you two! And since the world came together on that fateful day, the countries of the world have never fought or argued again…

Geoff_wedding_cake.jpgThen we had wedding cake. It was grand. It was also decorated with the words to the Family Ties theme song. Speaking on behalf of Geoff and Jen I can say, we’re an odd bunch and that is why you love us, we hope. Tomorrow we will return with fresh and juicy fiction.

In the meantime, don’t forget to buy your Bea Arthur T-shirts.

Furthermore, to pass the time until new goodies are published here on Wednesday, I leave you with these words:

I bet we been together for a million years, And I bet we’ll be together for a million more. Oh, It’s like I started breathing on the night we kissed, And I can’t remember what I ever did before. What would we do baby, Without Us? What would we do baby, Without Us? And there ain’t no nothing we can’t love each other through. What would we do baby, Without Us? Sha la la la.
Nick Jezarian is clearly a superbly built creation resulting from the union of man, woman, and crustacean. Nick’s crustacean heritage contributes to his being mostly belligerent, constantly angry, yet always amused. Considering Nick’s criminal spelling and grammar habits, the fact that he is part of the Y.P.R. brain trust doesn’t say much about the site. Josh and Geoff have driven Nick’s writing to new levels as he sends his Guff to the staff in an elaborate binary code that can only be deciphered by the light of pixie dust. Nick is Y.P.R.’s resident hip-hop expert, as he owns three CDs and once stabbed 50 Cent. Nick’s favorite word is “word.”

Nick's Guff
Aileen Gallagher Up in the Guff Spot [Editor's Note: This installment of Guff is brought to you by the lovely and talented former Black Table editor, Aileen Gallagher.]

It only takes a sentence to get out of babysitting for life.

Two acquaintances of mine are recent fathers. One joined the club about a month ago and another a few years ago. Both of these men are writers and I see them around at parties and readings and bars.

It was after a reading that I repelled them. I’ll allow for the fact that I’d been drinking for a while and otherwise might have kept this observation to myself. But I was right, as you’ll see.

Continue reading... here.
Better Buy a Bea. They're Buttah! Do you love Bea Arthur--the idea of her, the curliness of her mop, her vapid approach to both comedy and life? Then wear your heart on your chest with these first runs. The first non-CafePressed Bea Arthur T-shirts are...
Tell ’Em How You Really Feel Has your son or daughter found that special someone? Have you spent endless hours and days with your in-law to be planning the “perfect wedding”? Have you had to swallow your own opinions because you know you have to spend...

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