— Poetry & Lyric —

The Dinosaur in My Living Room Is Fred: Seven Poems

Ring Ring
Diamonds are a girl’s
Best friend. That’s a metaphor.
Diamonds are rocks.
Women dig
That stuff.

Homonyms
Profit and prophet
Sound the same, but have different meanings.
I would call them homonyms,
But I believe marriage is between a man and a woman.

Neighborly
My upstairs neighbor’s boyfriend
Does something that makes her scream.
Then he drags her heaviest trash down the back stairs at 2 a.m.
What a ladies’ man.

Religion
My faith is private;
I keep it from myself.

Statistically Speaking
If I’m so two-faced,
Isn’t there always at least a 50% chance you’re wrong?

Saved
You think you saved me from myself
By putting a few boiling pots to rest.
You should have seen the fumes,
The neon factory plumes,
Citrus sparking in the night sky.
Man, you would have coughed.

Hiya
That’s what I thought my karate instructor was saying.
When I woke up in the hospital with him hovering around me,
I smacked him upside the head
And said “Bye-yuh!”
But he just sighed and looked away.