Monday, April 14, 2008
You Will Need:
8 Pabst Blue Ribbons
1 boss (or substitute 2 coworkers)
1 gambling addiction
2 cups poison sumac
4 cups self-esteem, minced
Sprig of race riot
Dash of profanity
4 tbsp. methamphetamines
½ quart stump whiskey
2007 New York Mets
1 poor relationship with father
Remaining rent money
1 tranny prostitute
1 bottle Night Train Express fortified wine
96 fireworks (assorted)
1 religious war (aged 2000 years)
- Preset clock to 1:26 a.m.
- Drain eight Pabst Blue Ribbons into your stomach.
- In a crowded street festival, combine stump whiskey, gambling addiction, and minced self-esteem. Whisk in ex-girlfriend. Stir vigorously.
- Begin boss, poison sumac, and methamphetamines over medium heat until simmering.
- In a public bathroom, mix Night Train and tranny prostitute until blacked out. Add boss, poison sumac, and methamphetamines. Cook until shame and judgment evaporate.
- Open up poor relationship with father and combine with stump whiskey, gambling addiction, minced self-esteem and ex-girlfriend. Add remaining rent money and three cops. Beat thoroughly.
- In a poorly assembled space shuttle, toss Step 5 mixture with a dash of profanity. Add fireworks and religious war, and set to high heat for 20–25 minutes. Do not let cool.
- Combine all ingredients in Steps 3–7. Pour into a hydrogen blimp, and garnish with a sprig of race riot.
- Add 2007 New York Mets to taste.
- Makes enough for Lindsay Lohan, O.J. Simpson, the Pope, and Patient X.
- Serve with a side of YouTube.