Dear Jeffrey Jones,
By God, you were wonderful in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. The role of bumbling, ill-fated Principal Rooney was just marvelous for you. I can’t even conceive of anyone else playing that role now that you’ve done it. I just cannot say enough good things about you. Your well-groomed moustache, your light blue suit, everything was just perfect. My favorite scene in the film was when you were scrambling around the office with your inept secretary, Grace. No offense but she left a little something to be desired. She should go play the next-door neighbor on a sitcom about a family where the father is an airline pilot and the mother spends a lot of time with the kids but tragically dies the following season and is replaced by an actress with a glass eye.
By the way, I’ve been in a coma for the last 20 years. Sorry it took so long for me to get to you about this but I’m just catching up year by year and I just hit 1986. Your performance was so riveting that I’m just dying to know what’s happening in your life now. Anything newsworthy?