New & Noteworthy

Your Disquieting Modern Trendsetters request the pleasure of your commentary. Is Target’s recent “Baby Got Back (Pack)” advertisement a modern trend that sparks disquitude? Please drop Messers Layman and Osmond an e-mail.

& Recently . . .

Why Do People Keep Telling Me I’m Racist and Stupid?

by Pierre Cavanaugh

I just don’t get it. I am an upstanding member of the business community. I work hard five days a week to make a living. Just the other day I was on the phone with my Jew accountant Finkelstein and…

Dear N.Y.T.B.R. Pt. III

by Josh Abraham

The Editor The New York Times Book Review 229 West 43rd Street New York, N.Y. 10036 March 23, 2003 Dear N.Y.T. Rook Beview, You want blurbs? I’ll give you blurbs. Behold: “Abraham displays a Swiftian gift for satire . ….

Oscar Coverage 2003

Oscars!

Henny Youngman’s Lifetime Achievement Award Acceptance Speech

Thank you, thank you. This means a lot to me. It means I’m old. Ha, ha. Hollywood called me, asking me “How much to do a movie with Catherine Zeta-Jones?” “I said $50,000.” They called back, “How about $20,000?” I…

Polish Fact

Gross Domestic Product:
$373.2 billion (2002 est.)

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Impari L'Italiano
Buone notizie per la gente che ama le notizie difettose.
Good news for people who love bad news.

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Monday, March 24, 2003   |    Birthday Cards to Celebrities

Happy Birthday, Nena!

24 March, 1960 | Nena | 80s pop singer

Lieber Nena,

Glücklicher 43rd Geburtstag! Ich liebe Ihren Song, “99 Luftbaloons.” Meine Schildkröte kriecht immer in sein Shell, wenn sie angeht. Manchmal, wenn ich Abendessen esse, esse ich tacos. Wenn ich mein Fernsehen einschalte, tanze ich blankes auf meinem Bett. Der Wind kräuselt meine Testikel. Wenn ich ein Tier war, möchte ich ein Elefant sein. Sie haben enorme Penises. Wenn ich die Wand betrachte, verbringe ich eine enorme Zeitmenge die Bohrungen überprüfend.

Hoboken über Alles!

Geoff Wolinetz