& Recently . . .


by Bobby Rufferto

Loraine? “Yes, Burt?” Are you sleeping? “No.” *Sigh.* “Is something wrong, honey?” No. Yes… Loraine, how come you don’t pick nits off my back anymore? “Burt—” Are you having an affair? “…” You are. I knew it. You…

No More Fun

by Nick Jezarian

Citizens, gather round. Come one, come all. Yes, even you, my little bespectacled devil—Oh, aren’t you a cutie? I bet you’re a lot like Claire Forlani; remove those specs and reveal a sweet nymph. The reason I have called this…

Postmodern Irony Final Exam

by Josh Abraham

PMI-110A: Introduction to Postmodern Irony/Ironic Postmodernism Final Exam Section IV: Essay Please select one (1) topic from the first three questions, one (1) from the middle three questions, and one (1) from the last three questions. Answer each in the…

On Values and Other Positions

by Karen Ashburner

My room is hot. My room is hot and I have spent the last five minutes staring at my bracelet. My bracelet is old and the chain is made of some kind of metal that is supposed to look like…

Polish Fact

Daily Newspapers:
Gazeta Wyborcza
Super Express
Nasz Dziennik

Weekly Magazines:
Wprost (rightwing)
Polityka (leftwing)
Newsweek (Polish edition)
Najwyższy Czas! (rightwing)
Przegląd (leftwing)

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Mein Milchshake holt alle Jungen zum Yard.
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

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Monday, September 15, 2003   |    Birthday Cards to Celebrities

Happy Birthday, Tommy Lee Jones!

September 15, 1946 | Tommy Lee Jones | actor

Dear Tommy Lee,

Happy 57th Birthday! Dude, I watch my bootleg copy of Whoops, Where’s My Home Video? starring you and Pammy gittin’ it on every single night before I go to sleep. It’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s like instant Zen. Pop that sucker in the VCR and whammo! I’m transported to immediate and unparalleled nirvana.

Happy Birthday, T.L. Keep on truckin’.

Josh Abraham