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Polish Fact

Military Manpower:
10,354,978 (2003 est.)
[Army, Navy(!), & Air Force]

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Friday, September 12, 2003   |    Birthday Cards to Celebrities

Happy Birthday, Yao Ming!

September 12, 1980 | Yao Ming | basketballer

Dear Yao,

Happy 23rd Birthday!

Dude, what’s the deal? Unless my stereotypes are crossed, I thought Asians were supposed to be a very small people. Are you sure you’re Asian, Yao? Maybe you’re half-Swedish, or half-black? Is that possible? You might even be both. I bet if you crossed a black guy and a Swedish woman, you’d get a really tall person who could pass for Asian. (A black woman and Swedish man, however, produce Mexicans.)

Also, what’s the deal with your forehead? You look like a holdover from the Paleolithic Era. Humans don’t look like that anymore. A mulatto caveman. Boy, Yao, you sure are a gosh-durned medical marvel. If it weren’t for the basketball thing, you’d probably have a successful career with a touring carnival or circus sideshow. That’d probably be a blast.

Happy birthday, dude!

Your friend,
Ray Stillman

P.S. Endowment: “Asiatic” or “brotherman”?