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No More Fun

by Nick Jezarian

Citizens, gather round. Come one, come all. Yes, even you, my little bespectacled devil—Oh, aren’t you a cutie? I bet you’re a lot like Claire Forlani; remove those specs and reveal a sweet nymph. The reason I have called this…

Postmodern Irony Final Exam

by Josh Abraham

PMI-110A: Introduction to Postmodern Irony/Ironic Postmodernism Final Exam Section IV: Essay Please select one (1) topic from the first three questions, one (1) from the middle three questions, and one (1) from the last three questions. Answer each in the…

On Values and Other Positions

by Karen Ashburner

My room is hot. My room is hot and I have spent the last five minutes staring at my bracelet. My bracelet is old and the chain is made of some kind of metal that is supposed to look like…

Polish Fact

Daily Newspapers:
Gazeta Wyborcza
Super Express
Nasz Dziennik

Weekly Magazines:
Wprost (rightwing)
Polityka (leftwing)
Newsweek (Polish edition)
Najwyższy Czas! (rightwing)
Przegląd (leftwing)

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Golpéeme, bebé, una más vez.
Hit me, baby, one more time.

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Friday, September 12, 2003   |    Birthday Cards to Celebrities

Happy Birthday, Paul Walker

September 12, 1973 | Paul Walker | actor

Dear Paul,

Happy 30th Birthday!

Paul, I live in the Bronx so I see the impact you’ve had on the world. Now, most people might dismiss the importance of your not-so-critically acclaimed filmhouse masterpiece, The Fast and the Furious. I for one, am not one of them. Since you so deftly portrayed the inner struggle of Detective Somebody-or-Other opposite Vin Diesel (who really is an atrocious actor, by the way, but looks cool), the proliferation of Honda Civics pimped out with tinted windows, expensive rims, loud mufflers, and hot Spanish chicks has been unworldly. I mean, I never knew that with just $20,000 you could make a piece-of-shit car look like a much nicer piece-of-shit car. I guess its just plain math though, right, Paul?

Good luck with the DVD release of 2 Fast 2 Furious, although I think you should have fought harder with the studio to make it The Fasterer and the Furiouser. Keep on suckin’!

Happy birthday.

Yours truly,
Nick Jezarian