& Recently . . .

The DeVito Code

“Off the record, on the Q.T., and very hush-hush.” Sid Hudgens, L.A. Confidential “There’s nothing you can get from a book that you can’t get from a television faster.” Harry Wormwood, Matilda “You don’t really think you’ll win ….

The Human Campaign

by Victor Lembrey

The supermarket’s called Freshboy Slim’s. Today’s special is used grapes. A bird flies in and everybody goes nuts. A guy yells, “We’re all gonna die you bitches!” He dives into a display of oranges, then farts. The oranges roll all…

How I Quit Smoking

by Cheryl Chambers

1. The Lozenge So I’m at work and I realize that I need to have copies of a letter to this client — deadline yesterday — for my boss. I go to the copier. Put the paper on the little…

I Love Scrushy

by Richard Grayson.

This unforgettable sitcom lasted six seasons, during which the wacky, dictatorial but lovable star, HealthSouth C.E.O. Richard M. (“Red”) Scrushy, stole millions and delighted millions more with his corporate shenanigans and auditing antics. The shows featured Scrushy’s zany attempts to…

Dear Regal Cinemas

by David Abraham

Michael L. Campbell Co-C.E.O., Regal Entertainment Group 7132 Regal Lane Knoxville, Tennessee, 37918 January 22, 2004 Dear Mr. Campbell, While we may have had our scuffles in the past, this time you have gone too far with your latest…

Recently Returned Letters to Santa

by Brian Hughes

Dear Santa, I woke up this morning wearing a pair of Capri pants and a tight, white T-shirt that read, “Screw Charles, I’M IN CHARGE.” Do you know anything about this? Confusedly Yours, Armen Katein Dear Santa, I was wondering,…

Polish Fact

Gross Domestic Product:
$373.2 billion (2002 est.)

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Ik heb twee draaischijven en een microfoon.
I've got two turntables and a microphone.

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Thursday, January 29, 2004   |    Birthday Cards to Celebrities

Happy Birthdays, Oprah & Tom Selleck!

January 29, 1954 | Oprah Winfrey | talk-show host
January 29, 1945 | Tom Selleck | almost Indy

Dear Oprah & Magnum,

Happy 50th & 59th Birthdays!

Seriously, you guys have my two favorite moustaches in Hollywood.

Happy birthday!

Best wishes,