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Things I Say to Various Loved Ones, Coworkers, and Strangers When My Aunt Flo Visits

by Amy Stender

Can you just shut up? Just shut up. Get the hell out of my way. The fuck you care? The fuck you staring at? Fuck you. Go hungry for all I care. O.K.? I’m not hungry, ergo, I’m not fucking…

Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy SquarePants

by Jeremy Richards.

Captain: Ooooooooooh, who lives in the tissue of sick Holstein spines? Children: Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy SquarePants! Captain: Stripped by a machine in guarded confines! Children: Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy SquarePants! Captain: If neurological infection is something you wish— Children: Bovine…

MMIII: The Whole Kit & Caboodle

This is the year that was….

Polish Fact

Alphabet
A Ą B C Ć D E Ę F G H I J K L Ł M N Ń O Ó P R S Ś T U W Y Z Ź Ż
a ą b c ć d e ę f g h i j k l ł m n ń o ó p r s ś t u w y z ź ż

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Impari L'Italiano
Wham, bam, grazie, signora.
Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.

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Tuesday, January 6, 2004   |    Birthday Cards to Celebrities

Happy Birthday, E. L. Doctorow!

January 6, 1931 | E. L. Doctorow | author

Dear E. L.,

Happy 73rd birthday! Good grief, E. L., I can’t believe Britney got married and unmarried in, like, less than 24 hours. It’s all so overwhelming. I’m in complete emotional upheaval here. I mean, how can she be America’s forbidden fantasy when she’s all used goods now? I don’t know what to think! I guess I’d still marry her, if given the opportunity, but I’m really uncomfortable being anybody’s second husband. Sigh.

Happy 73!

Best wishes,
Josh Abraham